How We're Doing Flexible Preschool at Home This Year

Fall of 2020 is when I would have enrolled Sam in a preschool, but because of the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, this year we are doing preschool from home. Because the older kids (in grades 2, 5 & 7) are also doing school from home, my home preschool time has to be very flexible. 

Here's what Sam and I do together:

1. Read books - Sam loves to read, and we have tons of books. I usually tell him to pick a few for me to read aloud during "Book time."
2. Play Games & Do Puzzles - At a younger age than any of my other kids, Sam loves games and puzzles! One of our new favorite things is this build a skyscraper set. 
3. Play with Toys - Our favorites on rotation right now are Lego duplo, Magnet tiles, and Blocks.  
4. Paint/Craft/Playdough - I'm using the Little Hands Art Book to help me plan some crafts. We don't craft every day, but we have fun when we do it. 
5. Clean up - I am the absolute worst at making myself and my kids clean up. Having someone else teach my kid about clean up time is definitely something I like about preschool. Now I'm bootstrapping it and attempting to teach Sam to clean up myself!
6. Watch a Show - Daniel Tiger, Magic School Bus, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse are Sam's favorites. 
7. Starfall - With his siblings doing so much of their learning on computers, and Sam soaking in that example, he is dying to get on the computer himself. Starfall.com is an online learning platform that offers some of their content for free. (Back in 2007 when I first heard of it, it was all free. Different times.) Sam enjoys it, and it is simple and ad free. I let him have about 10 min/day. 
8. Outside Time - Right now with winter in full swing, this is mostly either checking on the chickens or sledding. 

Real talk: I spent a lot of time this fall teaching Sam not to be on camera during his siblings classes. And while I have meant to do music time with Sam as part of preschool this year, I can't honestly say that I have, yet. There was one time, but it's definitely not even part of our very flexible setup. However I did start giving his sister piano lessons a couple of weeks ago, and he often scootches in on those.  

Just recently I wrote down a schedule for Sam. I'm sure we will make some edits and improvements to it, but here's what it looks like right now:

We are really enjoying it, and refer back to it when we need some structure. When we don't need structure, I just don't bring it up. Ha! 

Here are some of the resources I'm using:

Books for Me

Practical Wisdom For Parents by Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum - This book is a great reference to have handy as I'm trying to figure out preschool at home. It discusses in depth what a good preschool should have, and also what parents should do at home to support their kids. Rereading part of this is what prompted me to write down a schedule for Sam . . . I had been meaning to do it, but the authors made a great case for it, which spurred me to action. My full review of the book is here. 

The Little Hands Art Book by Judy Press - I'm just taking projects from this willy-nilly and picking the ones I feel like doing. We don't use this book every day, or even regularly on a certain day of the week, but I have enjoyed the crafts that we've done from it, and some of the older kids have gotten into them, too. 

Books for Sam

I wrote a whole post about the books Sam is loving recently! Add Good Guys 5 Minute Stories to that list, because it is a big hit right now. It is a compilation of a bunch of full length picture books, back to back. 

Games

Build a Skyscraper - I don't know if this set of sturdy cards is more game, puzzle, or toy, but it has elements of all three and we are enjoying it. I received it for review and we have spent a fair bit of time improving Sam's fine motor skills and just building cool towers. Sam especially likes the clock card, which makes your building look like it has a giant clock on the side, and the door cards. I like that it can be put away very small, but yet build towers that are impressively big. 

Count Your Chickens - This is a super simple cooperative game we have enjoyed together. You spin the spinner, and count how many squares you have to go to get to the picture you spun. Then, you put that same number of chicks into the coop. If you spin the fox, watch out! You have to remove one chick and put it back in the yard. If you get all the chicks in the coop by the end, you win!

We've also been enjoying classics like Memory and Hi Ho! Cherry-O. 

I figure playing games together is a good way to teach turn taking and rules, in the absence of a preschool environment. 

On Flexibility:

It's my tendency to be too flexible, rather than too rigid, about a schedule. So, writing down the schedule has really helped me, and Sam, too. The advantage of not putting times on the schedule is that I don't feel "behind" if something comes up. For instance, on Tuesday morning I had to run some errands. Because our schedule isn't attached to times of the day, Sam could just hang out with Dad while he worked. When I came home again, Sam was still in his pajamas and I didn't feel like I was off the schedule. 

Some days we don't do everything on the schedule, but most days we do. And some days we don't do it all in order, especially lunch. Lunch happens by the clock and the signals we get from our stomachs, so the rest of it shifts around to make sure lunch happens on time. 

I do try to get the kid dressed. As the old saying goes, pick your battles. I choose the parts of a routine that are the most important to me and let others move or be skipped to preserve peace of mind.   

Parenting thoughts: On Being Consistent

Once upon a time there was a mom who heard the advice to "be consistent." It was me. I heard it from many sources and in many contexts. I've applied and misapplied the advice to "be consistent" over the course of a dozen years of parenting. Now I have a few things to say about it. 

• Be consistent does NOT mean you can't change your mind -- even in the middle of a power struggle. I can't tell you how many times I've walked it back when I've gotten to the breaking point. My husband's calm perspective has helped me realize that the most important thing to be consistent with is not being consistent in following up on a threat, it's being consistent in loving and teaching the kids. 
• Be consistent does NOT mean you can't apologize to your child. You can apologize when you've lost your temper. It won't teach the kids that their poor choice was actually fine. If you teach your kids at planned, happy times about the behavior you expect from them, they'll get it. And they'll appreciate and emulate your apologies.  
• Be consistent in giving your children limits. Teach your children the limits and expectations when everyone is calm, happy and in a place of love. This will require you to plan ahead, so that you're not trying to teach right behavior just a moment after you stop poor behavior. Planning calm times to teach your kids is hard, but that's ok, you're an adult. Setting times for things and following through is a great area in which to be consistent. There are great times to "teach as you go" and "teach in the moment." But if you don't set aside times to teach behavior that are unconnected to your child's current behavior, you're being more consistent in criticism than in teaching. 
• Be consistent does NOT mean "do things the same way for each of your children." 
• Be consistent means keep the promises you made when you were calm, happy and thinking rationally.
• Be consistent means apply those consequences for behavior you laid out when you and your child were calm, happy and thinking rationally. 
• Be consistent in loving your children.
• Be consistent in teaching your children.

Do you have any parenting wisdom to share? I've been enjoying reading The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. Not done with it yet, but I like it so far!

You Should Definitely Read This Book: Mindset by Carol Dweck

I have just finished reading Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck.

I loved it.

I confess, I only read this book because it was picked for our book club. I had heard about how good the book was -- I even posted Lindsay Call's review of it four years ago, (see here, and see how I said that I wanted to read it to help me work more effectively with Levi! Ha!) but I didn't pick it up until now.

I guess because the concept of growth mindset took off like wildfire, and because I felt I agreed with it and did a pretty good job of living it, I didn't need to spend a lot of time reading a book about it. In fact, I was afraid this book would be a bit of a slog.

It was awesome.

How to Get Kids to Share

When my oldest son, Benjamin, was little, I realized it was up to me to teach this kid how to share. I had known this would be my responsibility long before the cutie ever visited a library story time or went to a play date, but it wasn't until then that I started to think deeply about it.

I noticed something about the way all of us moms were trying to teach our kids to share. It was awkward. Even more awkward was the interaction with other moms. Who is supposed to make their kid share in this particular situation?

Consider some scenarios: Benjamin would walk up to a kid and try to take his toy.  The kid wouldn't let go. Benjamin would step back and be thinking about what to do next. The other kid's mom would swoop in and say to her child, "Honey, you've got to share!" This other mom would wrestle the toy from her child and hand it to mine. Or she would attempt to take the toy, but not really follow through, then look at me and shrug, as if to ask me permission to let her kid keep playing. Or, she would not do anything. Then I'd wonder, "Am I supposed to be stepping in here?"

Also awkward was when I would notice a mom particularly zealous for sharing. Your kid wants something? My kid must share! My kid wants something? No, my kid must share! Observing this kind of mom I thought, "to your child sharing must mean they always lose."

All this awkwardness got me wondering, and thankfully that wondering worked out! As I watched sharing happen among adults I discovered two things. First, most of the time when we say "you need to share" what we mean is "you need to take turns." Second, to effectively take turns you have to follow a certain process: ask/respond, wait/finish up,  offer/receive. 

Taking Turns - The Process

Let's call the kid who wants something Kid #1 and the kid who has something Kid #2. Both children have a job to do at each of the three phases.

Ask/Respond

Kid #1: Our job as parents is to get our kids to ask for what they want in a nice way. Grabbing and hitting are ways to ask someone to share, but there are better ways. I focus on teaching kids to hold out their hand, and use a verbal ask. If the child is very young, I only expect them to hold out their hand. This cue works for any age and any culture. If you hold out your hand, it means I want you to give me that, anywhere you go. If the child is a little older, I prompt them to say "Can I have that?" If they're older still, I prompt them to say "May I please have that?'

Kid #2: Our job as parents is to get our kids to respond to the ask in a nice way. Yelling "NO!" and running away are ways to respond, but there are better ways. I focus on teaching kids to say either "Sure" or "Once I'm done." Sure means "Yes, I'll share this with you right away!" Once I'm done means "No, I'm not finished with this yet, but when I am I will give it to you." (Almost everything falls into one of these two categories, but I do talk about items we don't share at the end of this post.)

Wait/Finish Up

Kid #1: There is always a short waiting period between when you ask for something and when you receive it. Our job as the parent of the kid who wants something is to help them wait for their turn. This could mean distracting them with something else. This could mean setting a timer for them, so that they know when it will be appropriate to follow up.

Kid #2: If the child who has something isn't done with it, now it's time to finish up. Our job as the parent of this child is to do nothing. This can be quite difficult. But it's worth it, and I'll tell you why. If you watch and wait, you will avoid nagging. You will avoid accidentally teaching your child that sharing means losing the fight. Hang in there and be ready to help with the next step. Sometimes, it's a good idea to set a timer for your child to finish up, but try to use the timer sparingly. I've noticed that young kids often finish up a lot faster than a timer does, and the timer ends up being a distraction, maybe making them think they need to use up all their time when they're actually done with the toy already. Recognize when they're done, avoid tantrums

Offer/Receive

Kid #1: If the child with something is ready to share, this is usually a pretty smooth step, as simple as it sounds. Accept the item. However, sometimes the child isn't ready to share. In that case, it's time to take it back to step one: Ask/Respond. Stick that hand out and ask nicely once again.

Kid #2: Sometimes the child who wanted the toy has now lost interest. Our job as the parent of the child who has the toy is to help them offer the toy. This might mean holding the toy out to the other child. This might mean putting the toy in a safe place until the other child comes back. What we're trying to avoid is letting our child just drop the toy and move on to something else, without offering it to the child who asked. By helping our child offer the toy we avoid that terrible moment when he turns around, sees the other child playing with it and yells "I wasn't done!" We're also teaching our child respect for others.

Teaching It - In Real Time

That's a lot of talk about a pretty simple process! So how does it work in real time? It's most effective to teach in the moment and/or when you've set aside time to play/practice.

Here is a walk-through of how I now teach toddlers and preschoolers to take turns.

I see a child grab at something another child is holding. I go over to the child and kneel down so I am on their level. I ask them "Do you want that?" (Obviously they do, so I look for them to answer yes, but I don't wait too long.)

I say, "Hold out your hand, and say 'Can I have that'." (ASK) 

Then I turn to the child who has the object. I tell them "You can say 'Sure' or 'Once I'm done.'"  

I wait for a response.  

Often the child with the object will say "No."  

I then re-state what I said, and explain. "You can say 'Sure' or 'Once I'm done.' If you're still playing with it, say 'Once I'm done.'"  

Usually now the child will say "Once I'm done." If the child with the object pulls it close to his chest or turns away or something defensive, I look at both kids and say "That means, 'Once I'm done.' Can you say 'Once I'm done'?" (RESPOND) 

Then I watch and help the interaction finish smoothly.  

If the child has said "once I'm done" (which is usually the case), I wait with and help the child who wants a turn. We play a little something else for a minute. (WAIT/FINISH UP) 

When I see that the child with the object is done with it, I help that child give it to the one who is waiting. I often tell them to say "Here you go!" when they hand it over. (OFFER/RECEIVE)

You'll notice that it's often step one ASK/RESPOND where the most time is spent. That's okay, it's totally worth it to spend time there. Learning how to communicate is a top priority for teaching kids how to share! Even if the communication is non-verbal, communication is absolutely essential to sharing. 

If your child is having particular trouble or throwing fits when you try to teach sharing in the moment, take time to practice with some puppets or stuffed animals when it's just the two of you. Help the stuffies share with each other. Spend most of your time showing what good turn taking looks like, and then at the end mix it up with some stuffies that aren't very good at sharing.

The Words

Sure - Using the word "Sure" works really well because it doesn't have an opposite. So many times when you prompt a toddler, preschooler, or any person, to say "Yes," they say "No." Yes and No just go so well together! Let's not even bring them into the equation.

Once I'm Done - This is a simple promise, instead of a request (like "please wait" for instance). It is reassuring and undemanding. It works well.

When NOT to share

In my house, each child has one or two things they do not have to share with their siblings or friends. Usually the favorite stuffed animal or blanket is that sacred item. We say, "No, that's special to me." I've found that letting my kids say no to sharing a certain special item is actually super helpful to me as a parent. It helps me teach boundaries, and it gives me a phrase to use myself when they're getting into my special make-up bag.

Sometimes I've found myself saying to my kids, "Once I'm done..." and then, as I finish up with this item, I realize I really don't want to give it to them. At that point I'll explain, "I'm actually not going to give this to you now, because..."  or "I'm worried that if I give this to you this will happen..." Having that buffer of a few moments between the ask and the response really softens the blow. 

In Summary

If your child wants something from another child: Help your child ask. Help your child wait. Help your child ask again soon.

If your child has something another child wants: Ask your child to consider "Am I done with this right now, or will I be done, soon?" Help your child deliver.

My kids have drilled this method so much that when a sharing squabble arises, all I have to say is "Sure or once I'm done." Every now and then I have to re-teach, and that's normal. But especially now that they're getting older and they have this good foundation, sharing is pretty smooth sailing.

Remember, teach this, model it, reteach it. Use this when you're sharing or taking turns with your kids. Kids need practice and you can help them practice the right way.

Birthday Presents for a Five Year Old

How is it that I have had two five-year-old boys, but when my daughter (who is about to turn five) is invited to a friend's birthday party, I can't think of what gift we should bring?

Last night I looked back in my journal at what the boys got for their fifth birthdays - Benjamin got an Iron Man mask and disc shooter, which helped me remember that literally anything character branded is a big hit at this age. I don't think Benjamin knew a thing about Iron Man at the time, but man, he loved that gift.

Benjamin at 5: Whatever it is, I'm into it!

When Levi was five he got a gift card to the craft store (I wish I could remember what he ended up buying with it!) and a very silly book: Mameshiba. We knew that we'd end up reading this book to him, because he wasn't reading independently at the time, but we liked the Mameshiba books, too. They make our whole family laugh.

What Jubilee gets for her fifth birthday remains to be seen, but I confess that when I was offered PAW Patrol: Rescue Time I jumped at the chance to try it out. This is the kind of book I would usually let my children linger over at the book fair, but not purchase. What better way to be the coolest mom ever than to whip out a new book that comes with it's own mini-projector on a regular night?

And the book went over very well with her. When I asked her what she liked about it she said, "pretty much everything." The book has two stories, typical Paw Patrol episode adaptations from my perspective. It comes with a mini projector that is set up as a wristwatch for the child to wear. This watch/projector is the most exciting thing for a kid, but I think it would've been better without the wristband. It takes some doing to hold your arm steady, focus the projector, advance the slide, etc. We had fun with it though, and she's been playing with it since. I did like how having the projector added more pictures to the story.

Levi at 5: The everyday hero

When we went to pick out a gift for her friend today, we kept it to things that could be used up: Play-doh, a notepad, some puffy stickers to decorate it with, and a little treat.

So, here are the sorts of things I recommend giving to a five-year-old:

• books (of course!)
• dress-ups (we've had fun with chefs, superheroes, princesses, ninjas, and more)
• art/craft supplies (something just a little out of the ordinary, like these Slick Stix)
• treats (a whole package of cookies is, like, AMAZING to them)
• experiences (playdates and outings and themed days)
• money (this turns into an experience gift, because they love going to pick something out)

What gifts have you found go over well with this age? I'd love to hear what you think I should get for Jubilee next month!

Book-on-the-Floor Alert!

Because I'm pregnant, bending over has become harder and harder as 2017 as gone on.

May 2017

August 2017

Sometime near the beginning of the summer I had a day when I was tired of telling the kids to pick up the floor and I just did it myself (with accompanying quote from Sebastian of Disney's The Little Mermaid playing in my head: "If you want somet'ing done, you gotta do it yourself!").

While the result was a clean floor, it came along with pain and lots of crabbiness on my part.

When I realized I had overdone it, I began my campaign to get the kids to pick up after themselves more often. As every parent knows, it's not easy to raise the bar on your kids. They're like, "Whaaaat?"

via GIPHY

Over time this campaign has worked out pretty well, though, and my favorite story from it was when I told Jubilee to clean her room. She was despairing and saying it would take forever, so I said, "Don't worry, I'll help you!"

She looked at me and said, "But mom! You can't pick things up!"

Muahaha!

"Well," I said, "I'll sit with you while you work."

But here's the thing. Much of what gets left on the floor around our house is books. And those books were getting stepped on and bent up and abused and that made me sad.

So one day I gathered all the kids together and told them about our new family rule:

No Books Allowed on the Floor!

I explained about all the books that were getting damaged and worn from our bad habits, and I outlined the plan:

"Any time anyone sees a book on the floor, they should pick it up and put it on the not-floor. Preferably on one of the many, many bookshelves, but anywhere is better than the floor.

"It doesn't matter who left it on the floor or who saw it first or anything like that. We're all going to work together to keep books off of the floor."

The kids saw the sense in this and have done much better about getting books up off the floor. Are they still leaving them there in the first place? Yes. But we're getting better.

And, the best part is that somehow this new rule has translated into a family culture of shouting "Book-on-the-Floor Alert!" before picking up a book (or, in my case, pointing to a book that needs to be picked up).

It's kind of fun. It's our thing.

What rules do you have around books in your house?

The Happiest Kids in the World

Hola! So I just enjoyed reading some new non-fiction I picked up at the library:

view on Amazon 

The Happiest Kids in the World: How Dutch Parents Help Their Kids by Doing Less by Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchison

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. I was (strangely) somewhat disappointed to learn that I was already doing many of the things the authors recommend. Isn't that odd?! I already doing a pretty good job of giving my kids a happy childhood!

The book has thirteen chapters, which mostly take the reader through the authors' thoughts on each age: prenatal, baby, preschooler, school kids, and teenagers, and also break out into particular topics like schooling, discipline, food, and sex education. I read the whole book and found interesting things in each chapter, but I felt like a lot of my reading was just enjoying hearing someone else's experiences, rather than enjoying learning something new. 

I already knew that I should take good care of myself and make sure my own physical, emotional and social needs were met. The authors talk about what wonderful sleepers Dutch children are, and . . . my kids are wonderful sleepers! When Benjamin, my oldest, was first born, my mom said to me, "Once he gets to be about 6 weeks old, he can sleep for 6 hours a night. I wish someone had told me that was possible and healthy with my firstborn!" That bit of advice was huge for me, and coming from my mom it was much more meaningful than coming from this book. The book was more like, "Dutch babies can sleep a lot! Can my babies do it? I'm not sure? I think it might be working? But it might just be a symptom of them growing older." 

It was kind of the same story with schooling: Dutch parents don't get really choosy about their kids schools, and don't pressure their kids (as much as parents in the US and UK) to perform well academically in school. I learned to be relaxed about school from my own mom. We never lived in a place that had a private school option. I grew up in a time before online school was a thing. My parents didn't pressure us to excel academically, because . . . we did that naturally, without pressure. I'm not saying I was immune to the cultural pressure to perform. I definitely felt that pressure. But I knew it wasn't coming from my parents. I knew if I got bad grades my parents would be like, "What do you think are the contributing factors here? How can we help you do better?" instead of slashing my privileges or withdrawing their love. 

And recently when my own son was struggling with enjoying Kindergarten, my mom gave me the good reminder that if a child can be happy at school, that's what makes life good. Kids spend so much time at school. So when the authors of the book were talking about how the Dutch let kids begin academics at their own pace and emphasize relationships above academics in primary grades, I was like, "Yeah. Thumbs up to that."

I think the biggest piece of advice from the book that I am putting into practice in my own life is to get my kids outdoors more. It was inspiring to read about Dutch people (and the authors!) going camping, biking through snowstorms, and just getting outdoors regardless of the weather. I have friends who are better at this than I am, so I have some real-life inspiration here, too. Anyway, the authors talked about how going outside and playing outside in inclement weather gives kids grit. 

So a few days ago we drove my oldest to a playdate, and on our way we passed a playground that we had never seen before. It was a good-looking playground, too! But it was actively raining. I thought about bringing it up, but didn't. But then my four-year-old daughter saw the playground on our way home and asked to stop at it. So I reminded myself of a few things: 1. Playing in the rain will give us grit. 2. When I was a kid I always played in the rain, because rain in AZ is a celebration worthy of dancing in the streets. 3. If the author Michele can take her kids biking through the snow and then dump them in a hot bath, I can totally take my kids to a playground in the rain and then do the same if need be. The fact that I found a towel in the back seat of the van cinched it, and I said we were going out!

Benjamin was at his playdate. Jubilee loved the idea from the start. But it took Levi (age 6) longer to warm up to the thought of playing at the park in the rain. He couldn't be coaxed out of the car until he had his umbrella up, and only then to run under the pavilion. But pretty soon he was swinging while holding his umbrella, and then you know how it's just easier to do things when you're not holding an umbrella . . . plus the rain let up a bit. So we got him by degrees. And once I could see that he was enjoying himself, I started really talking it up. "Wow, this is fun, isn't it? All the other kids think they can't come to the park today because it's raining, but we know you can!" Haha. Honestly it helped me that this park was not muddy at all. Very grassy, nice paved path, and rubber under the swings and playground area. So I'm not saying I'm hardcore yet. I'm just saying this book convinced me to try something I wouldn't have otherwise, and I think it made my kids a little happier.

Read It Wrong: One Tip to Make Reading Aloud Even More Fun

Hello friends! And Happy Father's Day weekend to you. Today I have another post for you from Bethany. You'll remember that she recommended some picture books about cleaning close to Mother's Day. Today, Bethany shares a story about her dad, (which translates into a great tip for us) and some good book recommendations.

When I was a little girl, whenever my Dad read stories to me and my siblings he always did it wrong. He would mix up the words, use a funny voice or just change the story completely. We loved it!

Now that my Dad is Grandpa, he reads to my kids the same way. One of their favorites is, The Pigeon Wants a Puppy by Mo Willems. Now this is a very funny book all by itself, but when my dad read it with a German accent it sounded like, the pigeon wants a "poopy." Oh, did my children roar with laughter.

Here are more picture books that are all about charismatic reading:

The Book With No Pictures by B.J. Novak  

I was not sure about a picture book without pictures. Illustrations are usually my favorite part.

"Well, at least it has words," said my five-year old. That is pretty lucky and it's lucky that the words are entertaining, but you have to read all of them (also, this book is a little bit bossy). Sometimes the print is small, straight and black, other times it's large, colorful and bubbly. Even though there are no pictures, this book communicates graphically..

My kids love this book. I first read it to my daughter who was four at the time. This is my interpretation of her reaction to it:

That was a good try Mommy. You did a great job with the voices and the little song in there, but I think this book is broken. All the drawings are missing. Now here's a book with a pink princess on it. Put that pile of printed words down and read me something I can look at.

When my older kids came home from school (ages ten and seven) they read it together. They giggled and whooped. My youngest was intrigued. The next time we read stories, this was the book she picked and she knew all the right places to laugh. So unless you have someone to help out the younger kids, this book is probably for ages six and up.

I Stink! by Kate McMullan and Jim McMullan

My boys loved this book so much they had it memorized. Take a big breath before reading. This book needs gusto. The words are big because this monster garbage truck has a lot to do. It is also a great alphabet book.

The Sword in the Stove by Frank W. Dormer

This book was just released, but I got to read it before it hit the shelves. The author brought an early copy to share at my writer’s group. It is not a retelling of the classic tale of King Arthur, but instead a mystery of who would put a sword in a stove...and a helmet and a shield. The art enhances the silliness of this story and I especially like his exclamations...Holy Haddock! Add to the fun and read it Britishly.

Parents, I know your tale of woe. A child latches on to a favorite story, which must be read over and over and over again lest ye be punished with no sleep for a hundred years. It's exhausting!

So, if you can't stand to read Pinkalicious one more time, try reading Stinkalicous (all in good fun) and see if it's just a little more enjoyable.

Bethany lives in Connecticut with her brilliant husband and four creative children. She has a bachelor's degree in journalism from Brigham Young University and is a member of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators.

Teaching Kids About Money: 3 Books I Recommend for Parents

I just finished reading Smart Money Smart Kids by Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze. I found the book very helpful.

At first I didn't think I could dig it, and I thought it was inferior to The Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack, I've talked a little about Boyack's book here). The plan presented in Smart Money Smart Kids is not as actionable. Its tone is more like a blog post or radio show, rather than a book.

But then I got into it and I liked it. I think I really started getting into it once there were personal stories from Dave's kids. Rachel's first-hand account of saving up for a car, the story of her brother's generosity, and the story of the first (and only) time she got an insufficient funds letter from the bank. :-) These were where I felt the book really warmed up and began to meet my expectations.

Then there was the part at the end, which has surprised me with it's applicability. Dave talks about teaching our kids generosity and contentment, and that has helped me to actually begin to do that and teach that in my kids. To recognize signs of jealousy and envy as the first steps toward discontentment and "rise up and fight continuously and fiercely to protect your child from these enemies."

Just today we took some time as a family to celebrate Benjamin's accomplishment of swimming across a 25m pool without assistance or stopping. When I announced that we were going to "go get Benjamin his ice cream" Levi (age 5) began to whine and fuss, and when I calmed him down he continued to try and convince me that what Benjamin had done was "not that good" and didn't deserve special recognition. Before, I might have just brushed this behavior off. Instead today I took a minute to talk to Levi about how I want him to be the kind of person who can celebrate the success of others, and how that ability leads to a happier life. I don't know yet if the lecture took, but time will tell I suppose.

So. I'm finding principles in Smart Money Smart Kids more applicable than I initially thought.

We already have a money system for our kids that I'm happy with. It comes from The Parenting Breakthrough, which I mentioned above. And it has a lot of similarities with the system outlined in Smart Money Smart Kids. Both of them teach that you must 1) require your kids to work, 2) Teach them how to use their money to give, save, and spend, and 3) give them more responsibilities over money by giving them a clothing budget at age 12 that is subject to your approval. Both systems advocate for your kids working on commission at home and once they're 12+ outside of the home, too.

The difference between the systems is that The Parenting Breakthrough calls what you pay your child from age 5-12 "allowance" and Smart Money Smart Kids calls it all "commission." They're both really doing the same thing though. In both books the kids must do the chores, in both they get a pre-set amount at a regular interval (monthly or weekly), but can earn more.

Personally, we're sticking with calling it allowance* at this point because we had a failed experiment with paying on commission. Benjamin (age 7) is happy to forgo both work and money, until he wants something in particular. In the past I told him to do a chore and he said, "what if I don't do it?" to which I responded "you don't get paid." That was usually fine by him, and he didn't do many chores, which frustrated me. When we started the system outlined in The Parenting Breakthrough he was assigned a chore and said "What if I don't do it?" I said, "Then you don't get GO TIME. You don't get to go to school, or read a book or watch any shows." He was flabbergasted. I had to explain that he was going to get paid no matter what, and that he had to do his chores, no matter what.

The Parenting Breakthrough tells you to encourage the kids to earn more than their allowance (which should be quite small) by working on commission. Then, at age 12 to cut the allowance off completely and only pay on commission - by this point, they've had an allowance for 7 years, plus earned more than it, so they're used to working for pay. She said their kids didn't mind losing the allowance at 12 because they gained the "clothing budget" lump sum and were excited to try that out.

I'm interested to see how my own kids learn as they grow. By all means, if you have questions about what we are doing specifically, leave them in the comments and I will answer.  

Overall, I definitely recommend Smart Money Smart Kids, but I say if you're not familiar with (and basically following) Dave Ramsey's plan outlined in the Total Money Makeover,  you're going to want to read that one first and start that. Jacob and I have found the baby steps in Total Money Makeover enormously helpful.

If you struggle with knowing what jobs to assign your kids at what ages, definitely get The Parenting Breakthrough. It takes the cake there, with no competition.

Well, what started out as reviewing one book turned in to recommending three books! There ya go. I've linked the cover images above to Amazon, so that you can shop the books if you like, and if you make purchases through my links I earn a small commission. 

Now, I'm excited to talk to you guys about kids and chores and money. Tell me what is working for your family. Ask me anything! 

*actually, we don't usually call it "allowance" we call it "payday" or "money." For example, "Did we already get our payday?" and "Did you divide up your money?"

17 Ways to Find Your Child's Next Book

Hello parents!

We all know that reading is important. And up until a certain point, you're the one choosing the books for your child to read.

My oldest son is seven years old. That's seven years of choosing books for a child, though of course he chooses some of his own as well. I have another son who is five, and my youngest daughter is only two. I've got years and years of children's literature in my future (Hooray!). How do I find new books for my kids to read? I've put together a list of 17 strategies that help me find the next book, and I hope you like it.

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17 ways to find your child's next book:

1. Recommendation from a friend - I love taking recommendations from friends because when I do I know I have someone to talk to about the book. Half of the time I can borrow the book from the friend and don't have to worry about a library due date.
2. Comb the library shelves - Just today Jubilee and I did this. We started out looking for a specific book, but it wasn't there. So we just picked some nearby books that looked like winners.
3. Ask a librarian - I don't know why I don't do this more often! Maybe it's because my local library is realy good about putting out displays of new books and librarian favorites, so it's easy to find these without asking. Anyway, every time I've asked a librarian for a recommendation it's been a good one.
4. Check a book blog - I love getting recommendations from the blogs I follow. But obviously I don't find many recommendations on my own blog. I hope you do! If your crowd is young, Janssen gives great picture book recommendations. If your kids are ready for meatier books, I really like the read-aloud and chapter book recommendations that Amy gives. If you're looking for more YA, definitely check out Melissa's recommendations.
5. NYT bestseller list - I like encouraging my kids to read what others are reading when appropriate, because I like the idea of our common culture being built on good books.
6. Indie Next List - If you haven't heard of this list, check it out! It's billed as "inspired recommendations for Kids from Indie Booksellers. When I go into bookstores I often see a copy of this lying on the counter and take a minute to glance at it. I've come to trust the recommendations.
7. Cybils book lists - You know I look at these all the time! I help to make them, and I love it. Every book that makes it onto a Cybils shortlist or winners list has been extensively discussed by kidlit bloggers and is high in both kid appeal and literary merit.
8. Grab from a display at the library (or bookstore) - I mentioned library displays before. The fact is that professionals who deal with books all day know their stuff, and they do put thought and heart into their displays.
9. Niche book awards - I didn't realize how many book awards there were, back when I was a kid. Now I know there are state awards, library association awards, booksellers awards, and more. There are awards for audiobooks and for mysteries, for graphic novels and for books by debut authors. If you're looking for something that meets some specific criteria, look into the book award for that criteria.
10. Use the author - This is totally basic but I can't believe how often it is overlooked. When I love a book, I take note of who the author is and make sure we find more by that author.
11. Use the publisher - Less basic. When I find I love I book, I sometimes note the publisher of the book and find more recommendations that way. The publisher is usually on the spine of the book, along with the author. It's definitely going to be on the copyright page. When I first started reading graphic novels, I started to notice that a lot of my favorites were published by an imprint called First Second. This year marks their tenth anniversary. Congratulations guys! You distribute great books! I have loads of other publishers and imprints (divisions of publishers), I'd love to talk about if y'all are interested.
12. Browse Amazon - Amazon has it's pros and cons. (One of it's biggest cons being that it plays dirty with publishers who don't agree with its terms: see here.) But let's be real, its "Customers who bought this item also bought" feature is pretty good. I just got, like, 5 ideas from looking at Ella Enchanted.
13. Your childhood favorite - I own some of my childhood favorites, but not all of them. And it is surprisingly pleasurable to give my kids a book that I loved when I was younger, have them read it and tell me about it and relive it through them. Same goes for reading them picture books that I loved. I highly recommend this tactic.
14. Ask a teacher - Who checks the reading logs of all the kids in your child's grade? Who knows a bunch of age appropriate books for all reading levels, without even having to think about it? That's right. Ask a teacher.
15. Ask a bookseller - If you forgot to ask a teacher before you went to the bookstore, definitely ask a bookseller. They're so conveniently near when you're in a bookstore. And their eyes just light up when they realize you're asking for a recommendation and not directions to the restroom.
16. Let 'em loose at the thrift store - Kids really do love picking books out themselves, don't they? It seems like mine always find something to interest them when we go to a thrift store book section, and I don't mind a bit, because the price is right.
17. Author who blurbed a favorite book - If you've exhausted option #10, look at the back of one of your favorite books and see who blurbed it. (The blurb is the short endorsement of the book on the back jacket, or in the front few pages.) Many times publishers get other noteworthy authors in the genre to write these blurbs. Pick one of these other authors and voila! You've got another body of work to read. 

Which of these methods is new for you?

I admit that I plan to look back at this list myself when I run into a dry spell with choosing books. It happens to the best of us, but now I have all my best ideas in a convenient list. I'm not lying when I say I'm going to have to Pin this.

~ Alysa

Reading on the Train

Have you ever taken a train trip? Now that we live in the Northeast, I have a feeling we're going to become expert at it. This past weekend we took our first train trip as a family, down to New York City (The Big Apple!) to see my sister Clare walk at her graduation from Sotheby's Institute of Art.

We let the boys pick out some books to bring along on the trip. Levi brought Chocolate Fever and Clementine. Benjamin brought Astronaut Academy: Re-Entry, Avatar: The Last Airbender: The Rift part one, and the first two Jedi Academy Books.

We also made sure to bring Kid Sheriff and the Terrible Toads (which you can see Jacob reading to Jubilee, above) so that the grandparents could read it. It just cracks me up, and I knew they would like it, too. 

Atop Belvedere Castle, Central Park.

 While we were there, my dad gave me his copy of Smart Money Smart Kids, which I gave him for Christmas, so that I could read it for myself. So I started that on the train ride home.

Over all, this vacation was not great for reading. It involved a lot of exciting first-time-in-the-city things, like riding the subway and scratching the surface of The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

But I have to say, I think trains are great for reading.

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